ENDYMION

"you know what? in four years, once i am steady and you don't have a boyfriend or what, and i am single, i am going to ask you to marry me..." 03.28.2008 

Your exact words over six years ago, they still bring me to tears up to this day.

"I keep telling myself that life is too short to cry over you; that life is too short to hold on to you...but life is too long to be without you..."

One day I will be okay. So, I take it easy one day at a time. 

I only have good thoughts about you. You are that love I wanted to have that I could never have. When I look at you, I can only look at you. Letting you go made me reminisce that day I was saying goodbye to my parents after my one-and-a-half week vacation with them at home. My mom hugged me so tight, she made me feel that she did not want to let me go but she had to. Because letting me go would be the rightest thing to do, so that I can carry on with my responsibilities for them and our lives can go on.

LETTING YOU GO IS RIGHT!

I will always be thankful to you no matter what. I have such big admiration for you, so big it won't fit these pages. I love our friendship. You'd convince me not to pick fights. You are that person who always wanted me to become better and to always see the good. I am a good girl now because you helped me to see that in me. Thank you for the love you have given me in this lifetime. I will always cherish you.

Leah, during one of our conversations, said that she found it weird that I did not blog about my letting go, when typically I am the type who'd write when I am emotional. At first, I thought that probably the pain was too great, that it crippled my interest to pen my thoughts. But, today, I realized the exact reason why I chose my serenity over my literature.

You are the man I always write about, so in our conclusion, I thought I will never write again. You are my strength and my calm.

I chose to be silent in all this time, in order to protect my affections. I reckon if I did not react to the breakup, I will not breakdown. That I would be able to keep calm. I took time to understand why I couldn't have you and reached that point when I wished the day would come when you are no longer the person who is in my heart and mind. That day hasn't come yet, but one day it will.

By then, I will know I have loved again...

[01.14.14]
"Being deeply loved by someone gives you STRENGTH, while loving someone deeply gives you COURAGE..." -LAO TZU-

I will use that STRENGTH and COURAGE to let you go. I will love again when I am ready and when it's right...

© Theren Alexander 2014

2014: RENEW!

Our choices are the chances we take. It just feels good to know that as long as we have this life to live, we have an abundance of moving on and starting over. I have so much hope for this year. So, hello there, 2014!

© Theren Alexander 2014

ON THIS DAY ",)

Life is God's greatest gift to humanity. So each day I make it a point that I live it the best way I can. LIVE ONE DAY AT A TIME. Be the best for God! I celebrate my life each year as a Thanksgiving for this magnificent experience here on Earth. I want to be connoted as The Happy One. Thank you for spending a little bit of your time in that short but memorable merry-making with me. Thank you to all those who have greeted me. Thank you for making me SMILE! Truly, "THE BEST GIFTS ARE THE ONES THAT CAN'T BE WRAPPED..."

Minutes right before my birthday ended thunder roared, lighting struck and rain

poured like crazy. When I was little I used to hide under my sheets because it

frightened me. The elders used to say that when it rained hard accompanied by

thunder and lightning we should repent our sins because God is unhappy and mad.

But not tonight. Ever since knowing that God is a loving and forgiving God, tonight I

looked up, smiled and whispered, "iAM BLESSED!"

iAM blessed to have the love of a family who has stood strong together whatever the circumstance may have been throughout time...

iAM blessed because I have genuine friends who never forsake me. Who are there in the good and bad times...

iAM blessed iAm in love with the only man I fall for over and over again...

iAM blessed because iAM loved by the Greatest Lover of all...

iAM 34. Disciplined and Determined... ",)

© Theren Alexander 2013

PRAY FOR ZAMBOANGA CITY...

The war will soon be over!

Five days ago I got off work confronted by a shocking text from my ailing mother that our beloved Ciudad de Zamboanga (Zamboanga City) was under siege by a known rebel group the MNLF, more specifically the group of one of the MNLF leaders Nur Misuari. This man is not new to any person who has lived since the day he had pronounced his greed for domination. His name to me is synonymous to the Demon. 

Since that fated day I have browsed through so many emotions from everyone and from all over the world. I have read of struggle, anger, fear and cries for plead. As of latest, news from my immediate family is that my parents have run out of medicines, but my Mom said to hold on, so I hold on. My parents are old and sick and each day that passes, if I don't hold on to my faith, I too will break down. This is one of those moments when one wishes to have super powers so that things can be turned around in a whip. 

Until today I cannot locate my exact feelings toward the crisis in my hometown. Some may actually think we are lucky we are not there, but for people like us who are away from home, you cannot imagine the depth of what we feel for the ones we love back there. My heart was further shattered when I found out from the news on TV's GMA 24 ORAS that one of the hostages in custody is Rev. Fr. Michael Ufana. I knew him from high school. He handled our Choir Group and we were really close to him. He took care of us like we were his own. 

Maga vivientes del ciudad de Zamboanga, mi familia, bisinos, amigos y amigas, aguanta lang ta pirmi na di atun fe kay mas ma fuerza el amor del Dios canatun. Gana kita conesos maga rebelde pendeho. Resusita kita ganao na gera. ARRIBA, VIVA Ciudad de Zamboanga!

Pray. Hold still. God is in our midst, my beloved Zamboanga. We will rise victorious in this battle and we will be free.

"Though our hearts are torn, we praise YOU in this storm. We will lift our hands. YOU are WHO YOU ARE...YOU WILL SAVE US. Our help is from the Lord, the MAKER of Heaven and Earth..."

We will RAISE and WAIVE only the PHILIPPINE Flag in Zamboanga City!

© Theren Alexander 2013 

I BELIEVE IN GOD ( A Story of FAITH)

Before I actually tell you the story that is relevant to the title, I feel the need to convey first the day I met the person who introduced me to the young boy who asked me that stunning question on faith. It started over a bowl of lomi (noodle soup) and halo-halo (fruit cocktail on ice) at Chowking in Glorietta 1 on April 20, 2013.  It was one scorching summer to note because you can feel the heat even at night time. I was about to enjoy my noodle soup for lunch when my attention was caught by a light tap on my left shoulder, which brought me to look around and there I found a chinky-eyed dude who threw me a huge smile and an inquisitive glance.

Chinese people are not new in the Philippines, many of which are already citizens, but I would have mistaken him for another Chinese-Filipino until I heard him speak with that deep Chinese accent struggling to construct an English sentence that would start our conversation. He asked me, “What do they serve here at Chowking?” The question was rather easy, but I was caught tongue-tied for an answer, whilst I pointed a finger toward the large menu at the counter.

 My reaction would have been more appropriate had I been the one who was Chinese, whereas it was the other way around. Each time I look back to that day I met Stone Lee and three of his other companions, I still laugh at myself.  Among the four of them that I met that day, I became very close friends with only two, Mr.Lee and Mr. Zhang. Truly, unexpected friendships happen and the rest is history. 

Every two months after that swift meeting with my newfound friends from China, they’d revisit the Philippines. On each of those visits I get to meet more Chinese people, but Mr. Lee’s constant travel buddy is Mr. Zhang. On their most recent visit to the country, during the early part of the first week of August, I was invited to dine with them at Yellow Cab Pizza along Makati Avenue.

The gentlemen this time had brought with them their relatives and I got to meet their young daughters. I was introduced to Brandon, the young Chinese boy who is the reason for this write-up, who I was told attends a local high school in New Jersey in the United States of America. Brandon he said is his American name. By now I had already forgotten whose nephew he was. But that isn’t really what’s important with what I am about to recount to you.

Over dinner, Brandon sat next to me at the table. He did not want any share of the two large pizzas that were ordered for the bunch. He just sat there while we ate. Earlier, on our way to the pizza joint when we stopped for their elders to exchange money, he asked me questions like if I knew anyone in America. I told him I have friends, relatives and a loved one over there. So then, he asked me if I have plans to eventually visit the place. I just smiled. I asked him why he preferred to study in America. He gave me that naughty grin and said, “I am freer there.” He smiled some more this time with a glint in his eyes knowing that even if his mother was near us she would not understand a word he said. I laughed lightly.

He then asked me why I choose to stay in my country. I told him it’s my personal choice based on profound reasons. So he shut up and let me be. Back at the dining table, even when he avoided the pizzas, I could tell he was famished. I asked him why he did not even taste it. With a teasing look he quoted me and said, “It’s my personal choice.” We both laughed at his humour. “Honestly,” he continued, “this is mostly what I eat in America.” He got up saying he was going to order some pasta. I went back to finishing my meal. When he got back, while waiting for the pasta to be served, he gave me a really serious look and muttered, “Do you believe in God?”

I was really surprised at the question, but that was before the second question came. I said yes of course! He asked further, “Why do you believe in God?”

Even when I was just a child, I had always answered that question by stating that there are many things around us that no man can ever create. That means, only Someone Supreme exists to make all these possible. I told him I have what is called FAITH and that this is about believing in something felt even if it is unseen.

Brandon just stared at me blankly. He took a deep breath and it seemed like he did not comprehend anything I said. I asked him why he seems to not know anything about God. He said as he was growing up, no one bothered to tell him about the Almighty. He added, when he was still in school in China, he had a female teacher who was Christian who always spoke of God lovingly. “You see,” he continued, “I am confused why something so great is unknown to me. Maybe, I do not believe in Him only because I do not know Him.” I felt a pang of sadness for him.

I guess, what I am trying to say is, having had this encounter with this young boy, do we really know what we believe in? Don’t get me wrong. My faith is intact. I know what I believe in and I stand by it like a shield. I am more of wondering about the kind of life people have, those who do not know Him and/or do not believe in Him. I am glad I was born with the faith that I needed to get me along. I am thankful I have parents who have devout connection to divinity. I BELIEVE IN GOD.

MY FAITH IN GOD IS NOT A RELIGION; RATHER, IT IS MY INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM and WITH HIM I AM WHOLE!

© Theren Alexander 2013 

myWILDERNESS ",)

© Theren Alexander 2013

GOD Be with You...

i had a lot in my thoughts today. it felt like one whole day was not enough to accommodate all of them. i have been  thinking and re-thinking about my life. this is a moment when i would lay back in bed, turn on my music player, tune in to my favorite playlist, nod to the beats and just drown in them completely. then i come to think of you, as i listen to all the songs you gave me...they give me peace. your music is my wilderness, it is my calm when everything is in chaos.

you are my redemption to goodness...

a very good friend of mine recently asked me, "what makes you beautiful?" without a second's hesitation i answered, "what makes one beautiful is when one is good inside and out. being good will bring out the best in you."

so, i personally believe it all boils down to being good. more than a year ago, i vowed to only see the goodness in things, circumstances and people. it is a struggle i go through up to this day. i noticed over time that whether you do good or bad in a situation, the situation has a prize. only that the prize of the former is far more rewarding. then again, don't choose to be good just because of the prize that goes along with it or for the satisfaction of it. be good because you are!

even if my vow to goodness was only determined more than a year ago, my journey toward it began about four years earlier than that, i realized. i began with becoming a good daughter, then i became a good friend, a good sister and now i am working on becoming a good person altogether. though it is not that easy as it may sound, it is a challenge i promised myself that i will surpass with GRACE. ",)

© Theren Alexander 2013

FREE SPREE :P

They say that good things come to those who patiently wait, I say great things come to those who are good :P

So, I have been blabbering about  living free and shouting over and over again the old adage that the best things in life are free. I actually have a point...

060113 FREE Pagsanjan Trip and Chinese Goodies from Mr. Stone Lee ",)

060713 FREE Overnight package to Subic Bay, Zambales at Kamana Sanctuary Resort and Spa ",)

061413 FREE Movie (MAN of Steel) and Lunch at Cabalen ",)

© Theren Alexander 2013