Musings...

A Kid At Heart
3/22/06

If I wasn’t a kid at heart I wouldn’t have a beautiful disposition in life that keeps me steady looking straight ahead, without minding the qualms I should have collected in a jar by now. If I didn’t believe in mermaids and fairies, in angels and fairy tales, I would be locked up in my room staring in space, ranting about my so-so life.

I am glad I am lighthearted about life. I am glad I still believe in dreams. I am grateful for all the friends that I have who painted the colors of my life. Perhaps, if it wasn’t for the big cuddly teddy bear that I was given last night, I wouldn’t realize how fun and enlightening it was to be merry about the day to day.

A Lonely Thought
3/22/06

I started a blissful week, or so I thougt, after a stroke of inspiration left me and came back after a certain period of time. I was happy the first few days of this week, but I crawled into silence when thoughts for the missing sank in.

The main reason for my serenity and mystery roots from the past losses I have experienced while living this life in this complex world. Perhaps, I am not yet ready to open up. Perhaps the wounds have yet to heal. Friends are very important to me. I have lost friends that I loved dearly and lost lovers that have become my life because of their friends. Bitter, yes I agree.

I believe I have already consoled myself with regards to this matter and have already forgiven the circumstances that went by. I remember that I have already kissed my worries and anxieties goodbye and hope for another beginning. But where it all begins...it ends.

I miss the loss. I want to be filled. Somehow, it's just here...bottled inside. One of these days I may be able to successfully shout it out...one day.

For the meantime...life must go on.

Chain Reaction
3/25/06

I realized just a few days back, after a very special person left, that in life we have to be content with what we get and what we have. Real contentment is all that. Wanting some more that are out of scope creates what we call pain and struggle. To be truly happy we have to brave circumstances and challenges.

Love conquers all. My interpretation of this is not like Romeo and Juliet. That is their story. When you love, it brings you beyond boundaries and lifts you from ever feeling the pain these circumstances and challenges bring. I just manage this love I feel so that I can survive the odds that keep happening.

Living this life has been for most of the time a sad story. But it becomes what we make it. Loving and losing is like a chain reaction, it depends on us how we make them affect each other.I am not saying that going through this loneliness will be easy.

I am not saying I am ok. What I am saying is I will let love conquer this achy feeling one step at a time.


Copyright ©2006 Theren Alexander