Right after college, I learned that a HUG could mean TRUST. These days, whenever or wherever I can, I make sure to extend a HUG to the people I am close with to express my TRUST to them. The only time I ever hugged my Dad with consciousness was the week before I left my hometown. It was a long and tearful hug.
Up to this day I still look forward until I could experience that hug again. I told someone in a chat, "Secretly, I am Daddy's Girl." And yes, for that someone out there in South Carolina, you were right in saying, "it's no longer a secret."
I want to share that HUG story to everyone, how it was made to become a TRUST between my father and I.
TRUST. It is something you earn out of being capable of the responsibility ahead. You are left to do a task, or tasked to do something because a bulk of confidence had been laid down on your back for you to deliver...because you are believed to be ABLE and CAPABLE.
That TRUST between I and my father is in a simple term demonstrated how he'd simply mutter "Thank You", and I would instantly go for the brew of his late afternoon coffee. Simply put, because he knows I know what to do and how to do it. He wouldn't have to say all over to put in extra teaspoons of sugar and no cream for that's how he likes his coffee, because already it is top of mind.
My Dad left me to train for the Citizens Army Training - 1 in high school because he was confident I could make it. TRUST is to know and believe the extent in one's abilities and potentials. TRUST is allowing circumstances to take place without looking behind your shoulders or peeping back to check on the consequences.
By now, I think I have survived life alone in a hometown I did not grow in because I had my father's faith in my survival. Because, silently, he was assured I will surpass the odds and eventually make it out here on my own...
But to lose TRUST is a different story. We all know how a HUG could feel so good. Just like the power of touch can heal depression and loneliness. A HUG is like a cure to one's emotional instability, so is TRUST. To lose TRUST is like depositing one's savings in a reputable bank and losing it to bankruptcy!
I lost someone's TRUST after college let out. It was a comforting TRUST from someone who thought that just because I wasn't open to having his arms around me, it was already equivalent to NOT TRUSTING. That loss equated to losing him as well which up until today, I regret. However, where it ended, it did not mean a completely closed book.
A chapter has just come full circle for the next to unfold. Which is why, you see, for a TRUST lost is a TRUST built. Because I believe I have learned what I needed to realize, the lesson in that experience, to move on and embrace the remaining bits of my life and those that are yet to come into it.
I have lost TRUST many times unimaginable in my life, but so long as I have the TRUST that really matters, nothing else is insurmountable.
Copyright ©2006 Theren Alexander
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