I was awaiting the first greeting to come from him on my birthday, because he was always the first person to greet me in my mornings, afternoons and evenings. Just the usual stuff basically, “Good Morning”, “Good Afternoon”, “Good Evening”. It always came from him first without expecting a reply because he knew pretty well I don’t normally bother. Around him I was my normal nonchalant, melodramatic and bratty self, with which, he didn’t bother himself with too much, having seen me grow with it as who I am and will be.
My birthday passed by, and just about two hours, after all those who have wished me well have already gone into slumber did he beep my phone with: “PLAN YOUR LIFE WELL.”
If there was ever a better gift I received on this special day, it was his message. Out of the blue and extraordinary, one of a kind, one, which I really needed to have, sank in as armor for my journey onwards.
The prime of my life, in the midst of a quarter life crisis as Kathy Briones would put it. A time when at unexpected turns I find myself asking too many questions unanswered. In between reruns of tear jerking circumstances I couldn’t begin to explain. My closest friends may have started already to find it really weird for my confusion to run its longest, and my best friend always the shock absorber.
Then I sit by my bedside…thinking…what have I been doing all my life? Instead of going out there, further, to chase the dream I am so passionate about; I stay here at the comfort zone. I worry too much about the nonsense when I should instead look after grabbing the one thing that will make me the happiest and most fulfilled individual under the ozone layer.
I am a coward. Yes Maya and Tyrine were right in putting it that way. I am. I have procrastinated too many times when chances have danced in my clearing. Yet I have the nerve to ask myself, “What is wrong with me?”
What is wrong with me?
Nothing. I just get myself too entangled with so many unimportant realizations, most usually are just popping out to stray my concentration in getting there. And so, PLAN YOUR LIFE WELL, could perhaps be the very quake I needed to be fed with so I can look out further and really notice the flicker of light towards a rougher road to surpass, where success is zenith.
I told my best friend, in one of those times of my celebrated delusions, “I am tired of living my dreams.” To chase the rainbow is so elusive. To reach the stars is a harder commission. But if I may quote Kathy’s favorite lines, “SUCCESS is how high you bounce when you hit BOTTOM.”
I am not about to question again or any longer, the things that have been pinning me down are just fulfilling their purpose so I can get up from the tumble. Contributors to what emotional pollution cause my down times are not excused from making me feel my lesser self, but they will be my challenge to soar higher, and the stuff I will look down onto when I get there.
One day I will fly.
One day my Dad will see that I have moved on out of the power of his words, “PLAN YOUR LIFE WELL”, which have inflicted in me the dream I should have let go long ago, and the reality I needed to pursue.
Copyright ©2007 Theren Alexander
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