...yesterday...

By: Theren Alexander
September 2, 2007


I have been having the flu for quite some consecution now. The weather is just altogether awful, and you just get caught with it for some time. I don’t have a grand life to begin with, and I have been having succeeding dreams of home since last week. Nothing feels alright actually, but I am hanging in…with the thought that there are still people who do love me, in spite of my imperfections.


Just today, when I braved myself to go see my desk, because there is just the enormous line-up of a TO-DO list, I sat back against my revolving chair realizing that I shouldn’t have left bed in the first place. My body ached altogether. I had another migraine attack.


I browsed through my emails on my outlook and found Nyen:

Friday, August 31, 2007 6:46 PM
Hi Gurls!
I thought its really easily venturing in a call center industry. I'm failing. Its just now that I knew that I am not good in English. Really. I don't pronounce words well. I'm not good in using subject - verb agreements. In general, arrrgh...

Theren, I owe you a blog.

Love,
Nyen


Kathy replied:
Saturday, September 01, 2007 5:22 PM
Hi Nyen,

As what I have been telling everyone who has started...Rome wasn't built in a day:) Everything should start from scratch mare! Alam kong kaya mo iyan:) ingats ka lagi:)


So did I:
Sunday, September 02, 2007 6:00 PM
Yep nyen, lahat naman may birth pains eh. Hang in there. Malalagpasan mo yan!



Before today and two days back when Nyen pushed in that email to us, it used to be in matter of minutes when we reply each other. Nyen sent that email to me including three other girls. Only two replied at one day intervals. Where were Mitch and Tyrine? Where were the usual instant cyber lives we used to spend with each other?


It was only today when I finally addressed missing each of them since their resignations. There is a big chunk about me that says, “You should have left when they did…”

There is so much in me I keep bottled up inside. I have my reasons for not wanting to break free completely. I have bigger reasons for wanting to keep my reservations. And I opted to be quiet for a time, after I quote from your separation letter:


To my greatest friends, the pillars of spaceman...

To Theren,
No matter how difficult I was with you, you're still there beside me. It's in you that I've known what friendship really means.

To Kathy,
Thank you for having the energy to uplift us when we are at the saddest moment of our lives. For the sanguine attitude that I would definitely miss!


This has kept me quiet, until yesterday when your message beeped my phone. It made me realize how much I have missed the three of you along with Kathy who have tried to balance my sanity towards your missing.


To Nyen:
When you have asked me if I could make another eulogy for you besides the one I heartily did…I failed to cut through you that I could not survive it any longer without you. I could just get away from here, and turn my back from everything else to be able to get another embrace from you. I hated you that one time you sent me a message that you and the girls were together with just the lack of me, because it hurt to be away.
As I look around me now, I witness the barren…


I listen to this…

TABING ILOG

-Barbie's Cradle-

Sa ilog ang mundo'y tahimik
Akoy nakikinig sa awit ng hangin
Habang kayo'y hinihintay
Na sana'y dumating bago magdilim


Refrain:
Sa twina'y kandungan niyo ang duyan
Panaginip na walang katapusan
Ang ilog hantungan niya'y pangako
Ng inyong pagbabalik

Chorus:
Ngiting kasama ng hangin
Luhang daloy ng tubig sa ilog na di naglilihim
Sa ilog ang mundoy may himig
Di sana magpalit ang awit ng hangin
Habang kayo'y hinihintay
Mata'y ngingititi puso'y nananabik
(repeat refrain and chorus)


Sa ilog...


FOR THE GIRLS:

Copyright ©2007 Theren Alexander