HOPE in FAITH

i was having my usual breakfast with abet when suddenly, out of nowhere, he asked me how my dad was. i stared at him for a few seconds, tongued-tied, before shaking my head and said i didn't want to talk about him. sometimes it is better to be silent about it because somehow the pain subsides. i have had moments. happy, sad, scary, melancholic, bewildering, blank moments. we all have that. we all have trying times in our lives, but how we go through each of them shapes us into who we are. it is in these trials that we are able to see clearly the people who are really there for us. who are there for us no matter what.

I THANK GOD FOR PEOPLE WHO GENUINELY CARE...

there are times when i feel like i just want to give up and go home. i am failing my scorecard again and i may be failing because of my constant anxieties for the people i greatly love back home. i chanced upon a bus ride with one of my good friends cocoy, on my way to work one early monday morning, and i mentioned to him about my failure. i told him my decision effectiveness did not help me to pass. he told me that the message in it could have something to do with the decisions  i needed to make in real life. cocoy himself was going through a turning point in his life at that time too. 

DECISION is a big word. i need to make the right decision. i feel like i am trapped in quicksand and any false move will swallow me whole. one thing, though, i knew about decisions is that you never compromise your happiness, that part i shared to cocoy, because he had decisions to make for himself and his family as well. during that brief moment, i felt even if our situations were not exactly alike, that i had someone to confide in, who understood what i was dealing with and believed i will make the right decision soon.

I THANK GOD FOR PEOPLE WHO LISTEN...

for almost three years now, since the last quarter of 2009, it hadn't been easy for me and my immediate family to go through the possibility of losing dad. most recently i have come face to face with the realization that we may be losing mom too.

ONE DAY WE WILL.

i learned that at times we have to be told what we need to hear no matter how painful it is, so that we can move on. moving on is letting go. but this was prior to my realizing that you don't have to let go of something that is still worth fighting for. life is worth fighting for! if i give up the fight i will no longer stand where i am today.

about a year ago when dad was again rushed to the ICU, i told my kid sister jen over our phone conversation, that one of these days we have to let dad go. sometimes i feel like giving up on him. i told jen at times these life and death moments with dad really weaken me, i weaken at the thought of the pains he has to go through. i wish i could take his place on that bed, or if it could make him feel better, that God finally should just redeem him from us. when you love someone so much, you would be willing to sacrifice anything that would put them in a better place, even if it means you will have to lose them.

jen just cried. she wasn't ready for any of that. i remember she had plans for mom and dad. i never fully understood her until about a week ago, mom sent us all a text message saying she was giving up on dad already. dad's wounds are not getting any better as well as his entire condition. her health as well was failing. it felt like the end of the world for me and i cried like jen.

"you will never know the burden of the one bearing the torch because you are not the one bearing it..." my good friend marge shared, she said she overheard this on the radio.

i told her it wasn't easy to walk God's way, especially if the road toward it is something you cannot explain. marge smiled and further shared, "God did not promise us a STORM FREE life, but He promised us a STORM PROOF life..."

I THANK GOD FOR PEOPLE WHO SHARE...

marge and i decided to meet for coffee last weekend because i needed someone to rest my worries to. while i waited for her, i went around the mall. i was deep in thought about the future that lay ahead for me and my family, i had questions in my mind, i felt really baffled. just then i came by a shop near the adoration chapel with something written on the window...

"GOD WILL MAKE A WAY, WHEN THERE SEEMS TO BE NO WAY..."

it made me smile and realize that there is always HOPE in your FAITH, so long as you keep it...

© Theren Alexander 2012