Thoughts for the Dawn...little pleasures of the mind, scribbled out of great inspirations from the hidden dungeon of her heart...

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

On Bended Knees


Writing is my first LOVE.

I thought I will NEVER...ever...write again. But when you love...you NEVER stop loving.

I was at a point again when my life stagnated.

I STOPPED PENNING MY DIARY.
I MESSED UP MY LIFE WITH INDECISIONS.
I BECAME BITTER TO A SIZEABLE CONSIDERATION.
I LOST MY LITERATURE.

I was in pain where pain could not contain me. I look at myself in the mirror while a tiny voice in my heart sang sadly, "I found myself today, oh I found myself and ran away..."

It was a time in my life when I thought I must have "again" dived into a very deep and difficult depression. I was coming to terms between "WHERE I SHOULD BE" and "WHERE I WANT TO BE".

I would like to be transported back to my childhood, when life was a lot simpler than the complexities of my adult life now. Back then when my world revolved around candies, corn snacks, tootsie rolls, and The Looney Tunes show. My life cycle started and ended with sleeping, waking, praying, eating, playing and studying. It was that simple and beautiful.

But SIMPLICITY and BEAUTY were, perhaps, not just the two factors in my life that I was meant to have. I am bound to live a more meaningful life, the life that God desired for me, because He loved me first.

ON BENDED KNEES I LEARNED TO WAIT FOR HIS PERFECT TIME...
When I came to Manila in May 2008, it was like I was just a step away from making my DREAM come true; to be recognized for my art and to be on bookshelves. Dreams happen overnight but they don't come true immediately in that same rush. Sometimes, a dream remains a dream, not until you wake up from it and really make it happen.

"Beautiful lives don't just happen. They are made every single day with much love, prayer and sacrifice..."

ON BENDED KNEES I LEARNED TO HONOR MY MOTHER AND MY FATHER...
I was a jealous kid who always thought "favoritism" was in our household. I envied how differently I was being treated by my parents compared to my siblings. So, I always wanted to be away from home, because I looked for the love of a family in my friends. It was what made me feel better that time. Until one day in September 2008, I was having lunch at a meek sidewalk restaurant which was just near the boarding house where I rented, when a little boy went up to the owner of the restaurant saying, "Boss, my mom was just rushed to the hospital but she was already dead-on-arrival. I was coming to meet her when she hurried to get off from church and she was hit and run." I looked at the boy who was immediately attended to and was given food. He ate hungrily but his eyes looked rather empty. That void was a consumption of his unexpected loss. I thought of my parents back home and since that day, I promised God that I will take care of them no matter what.

ON BENDED KNEES I LEARNED OF COMPASSION EVEN AFTER YOU HAVE BEEN STEPPED ON AND ABANDONED...
no one ever told me i was going to find you
yet no one told me i was going to lose you
but i treasure you and love you
whether i am with you or without you

ON BENDED KNEES I LEARNED TO REJOICE IN EVERY TRIAL...

For each of the storms I had to calm, it has brought me closer to knowing my God. How He works to mold me, to make me see the Purpose in my Pain and the Triumph in my Tribulation.
ON BENDED KNEES I LEARNED THAT FRIENDSHIP IS NEVER ENDING...

When you sift sands at the palm of your hand, after you raise it from the ground there are but a few that will remain at the center of it. I have had so many chances in almost 31 years of seeing scenarios such as this where I have seen those who stayed.

ON BENDED KNEES I LEARNED TO LIVE FOR THE LONGER MOMENT...

People come and go. But in the end what matters is how well you have lived even after they have gone.

ON BENDED KNEES I LEARNED THAT TRUE LOVE NEVER FAILS...

you are the masterpiece

that took time before i could write

you are a daring quest

i braved with the dangers in spite

you are the missing link

to the lyrics of my love song

you are the loving arms

with whom i faithfully belong...


ON BENDED KNEES I LEARNED THAT YOU CAN SAY THE SIMPLEST THING TO SOMEONE WHICH CAN REALLY CHANGE THE PERSON'S LIFE...

"When I decided to change my life," I told Mayang during one of our coffee conversations, "I did a 360-degree revolution just to move on. So far, I am happy!"

That Sunday after church, she told me she had prayed for her own 360-degree revolution.

ON BENDED KNEES I LEARNED THAT BECAUSE OF YOUR LOVE I AM BETTER...

"At the Cross i bow my knees
where your blood was shed for me
there's no Greater Love than this..."

© Theren Alexander 2010


8 comments:

Anonymous said...

there you go again, feeling alone...
why is it that when your back is against the wall, you feel alone...
open your heart, see the bright side of the world...
see and look for the people that loves you and cares for you...
again i will say to you "no man is an island"...
don't isolate yourself in one corner...

me, up to now is here for you...
kaso kinalimutan mo na ako...

and there me people like me in your life na nakalimutan mo na...

hope to hear again from you...

it is me alexander, hope you still remember me...

Anonymous said...

d na mo na talaga accept yong comment ko...
cguro nga nalimutan mo na me...
if thats what you feel wla po me magagawa...
till nxt tym na nga lng cguro pag na alala mo na me...

nina gallagher said...

Theren! Great read! I Miss you!!! I AM SO PROUD OF YOU. You really have an awesome heart! =)

BEN said...

Theren,

This humbled me...

dora said...

I AM SO PROUD OF YOU, Theren! Write some more. How is your short story coming?

Shaleemar said...

Miss you, Ate! Love this entry. It made me cry!!!

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Hi, Richard, I don't do blogging for a living. Thanks though :)