...my GRIM REAPER...my HAUNTING...

Written:November 5, 2007 (6:32 PM)

For years since my childhood I have had an ongoing haunting which I chose to not reckon as one and rather dismissed it as nightmare attacks. I would like to consider that the only abnormality I have is my menstrual irregularity, so this one was easily put aside as what you can call just imagination. I remember I’ve had passing discussions of it with my parents and siblings, and in those times they told me perhaps it was just nightmare or something of that sort, otherwise a mere state-of-mind. Exactly how often does a state-of-mind occur?

I come from a very devout family. Not one of us missed catechism. In the earlier times when our great grandmother (mother of our mother’s mother) was still alive, Lola Mera have taught us to say graces before every meal, say our thanks in prayer before every slumber, make the sign of the cross before leaving home, riding any mode of transport and when passing by a Catholic church.

My parents are active members of the Couple’s for Christ and my Dad used to be with the Knights of Columbus. My younger sibling Oliver is into the Youth for Christ as well and my mother’s mother Rosario is also with the Handmaids for Christ. Our eldest Pam joined a Charismatic Group at the time when she was still in the hometown. My elder brother Jonathan was a member of a religious group as well before he started sailing abroad. And I was in high school an active member of the Parish Choir and Parish Youth Organization. To everyone’s surprise, in grade school I have wanted to become a nun, with great awe at the veiled women who came and taught us catechism every week in school.

I admit that ever since high school went by, I haven’t been regular in church on Sundays, and to this a confession I will have to make. I have been broken hearted to a reverend of my God, whom I have surrendered with all my heart. I had a solemn conversation with Him before my letting go that it would take time and most times coming to His house will not help my moving on. I told Him in our private conversations that I will need much time until I can get over the One Great Love with whom he bargained from me and that my Faith in Him will not be shaken just by not going to church. I have my own devoted silent hour with God everyday. My prayer to him is not recited in the usual oration, but in a manner and language spoken to Him from my heart. In that serenity I know by Faith that He understood where I was coming from and that He allowed me that seclusion. In spite of all of these, I would like to think that I am more religious than people who pretend to be. At least, I feel it coming from within. Foremost, that is what Faith is all about anyway.

Drei told me: Satan even tried to tempt Jesus, remember? So, Faith is the issue, which is perhaps why you are under attack.

The story of my encounters with what I call my grim reaper peaked at dawn of October 07, 2007, on the very birthday of my best friend Oweng. Around minutes past three o’clock that wee hour in the morning, I was awakened by a whooshing sound coming from my window behind me. Quickly it formed up into a black figure, a black fog in what seemingly looked like a black hooded cape. The black figure circled up my bedroom ceiling, rapidly flying with the same whooshing sound as its entrance. I struggled to pull myself up but both my arms were being pushed against my bed. I couldn’t breathe and shout. The only thought that was circling my mind that time, while I fought its friction, was that I had to survive that brawl no matter what! I wrestled with that monster for like ten minutes or so before I was able to jump up from my bed and immediately turn on the lights.

The lights were turned on and I was sweating like crazy while trying to catch my breath. In the past when I had experienced this, I simply go through the struggle of being pushed against my bed by some unseen force until I am able to escape its attack. Usually back then the struggle takes just a while, not as long as ten minutes! After some time when I got myself seated again by the edge of my bed, staring blank and shocked up my ceiling, I started to feel my arms ache profusely. I cried and trembled. Then I beeped a message to some close friends to tell them about what just happened. Tyrine replied and told me to pray. I never forget to pray!

Immediately I called Mae who was in Cebu at that time on a route in the area and I asked her to sleep with me. I needed someone to talk to and a companion in my room. I needed to get it off my system! I cannot expect Mae to stay with me every night as she also has work to do that correspond to being away from accompanying me and my slumber all the time. On the night that Mae went into the outskirts of Cebu and I braved myself to sleep, the grim reaper sort of shot me a feel as if to tell me he was just around awaiting another moment.

Two more weeks passed and always I get to sleep at already near sunrise and still I don’t feel much sleepy, maybe because some conditioning has been automatically set up in response to my fears. I am not your typical scared cat; in fact my favorite film types are horror and suspense! I don’t sleep with the lights turned on, but now, thanks to that ogre I have to battle in the light, which I think is what contributes most in my prevailing insomnia.

So many helpful suggestions came my way. Most of which is the powerful intervention of prayer and confession. Robert told me to get in touch with Elizabeth Oropesa as she is a member of some Paranormal Society and people with third eye, and perhaps a healthy talk with an exorcist or a priest.

On the week of the Halloween I watched again on DVD, “The Exorcism of Emily Rose”, to which I stand corrected after having told Leah that I thought the film disappointed me and found to myself after the rerun that I did give it a two thumbs up. It is a film, I believe most people will not appreciate the mere fact that it is being anticipated as just another typical thriller, wherein which the ghost, zombie or whatever malformed creature is expected to finish devouring the lead cast and that the plot is usually rooted to a past taking effect to a vengeance. But this film however, may have been to the dismay of many, one they may attribute to as a “disappointment”. To me again, after the correction, I strongly say is one film that brought a TRUE STORY motion picture its conviction. A documentary and a thriller with just the right story line, sound and cinematography, cooked up like you were there when it actually happened. On top of that, I watched it again to get some more dose of the information I needed to be fed with. In some ways, in that film, when the prosecution debated medical findings against the defense’s battle for an actual demonic possession that caused Emily Rose’s eventual death, I ended up siding with the defense, for reasons perhaps that I may already be on the prelude of all that Emily had to go through. It is creepy. But I have always prayed to God to guard me against this.

I am writing about this experience to be able to help myself. I don’t know for sure if it will, but this is the only way I can ever get a release from such unsolicited trauma. As I am writing this piece right now, since Friday November 02, 2007, until dawn today, I have had just eight hours of sleep compared to the total of twenty-four hours that I was supposed to allot myself with. And YES, for the second time in a row, I would like to correct my statement to Leah, that, “NO. When you asked me that early morning Saturday, November 03, 2007, I haven’t had sleep since the day before as a matter of fact, and I lied because I did not want to cause you the worry that was unnecessary.”

Copyright ©2007 Theren Alexander