One day I just I woke up to boredom. I hated my life. I hated the routine in my life. I’ve lost my focus. It’s like you get the hang of it and then lose it.
Boredom was really all over me. When I get home I wish the next day will not come so that I don't have to report to the same office and see the same people. I’ve lost the excitement and challenge in the workplace. It’s like I’m working so hard and the most I get is a tired body and mind. At night I’m all drained. On weekends, I don't go out anymore to unwind; I stay home and sleep because I feel too tired to move a muscle.
In my childhood years, I had a crazy dream of wanting to become either a fairy or a mermaid. So that every time my mother yelled at me or gave me a spanking I could just turn and fly away...away from it all, or dive into the ocean to find my hiding place. So that I never have to feel like I've been disobedient or inadequate...that is exactly what I feel right now.
My life was in a total blur. How can anyone just completely lose all the interest in a sudden? Where is my appetite for all of life's activities? What has become of my perkiness and jolly disposition? Where have all my inspiration gone to in the spur of the moment? I don't know where to begin my life anew. I try so hard to maintain my calm, but they keep breaking my momentum.
When was the last time I really smiled and laughed?
Happiness. How does one really define real happiness in their life? There are people despite their meek resources in life who can be happy with the simple things. They are Real People with Real Happiness.
Well, let me tell you a story...
The type of job I do consist of working with salesmen of a multi-national company, supermarket coordinators down to supermarket merchandisers. One work-with day changed my life forever.
We have just finished implementing our project in that store and about a minute to noon we go off to a nearby “carinderia” (eatery) to feast for some lunch. I put in as a sign of gratitude to pay for our lunch. I am arrested in amazement after noticing the merchandiser pullout from his worn out bag his cooked rice from home, packed in a recycled biscuit see-through plastic bag. I told him he can order for extra rice and that it will be on me, but he just smiled and said it’s ok, his ration for the day will get him through. When I first met Nard (the merchandiser), I got to know of a jolly person with not too much sparkle about his life… but who smiles as he goes about his routine. It just struck me that this person can still cope with the harsh realities of life and still manage to be in a blissful disposition. Yet here I am, in a better position than he is, ranting about my so-called life. I never stopped to think and thank God for keeping me stable with the job…most people don’t have…that I have grown tired of.
On another occasion as I boarded the commuter’s jeep, I noticed a little boy who worked as the fare collector. He was about 12 or so years old and yet he was already working for a living. I am imagining and pitying a child of his age who have already lost his childhood which could cause him much regret and qualms…yet he goes about his daily labor happily in spite of his deprived life.
These things have awakened me to the much perspective I have lost.
We tend to always forget of the more important things in life. We treasure too much of the material things that are provided to us, disregarding the value of those individuals in our lives, who have given us these things.
A lot of loss happens in a lifetime…because we let go…
When we lose friendships and relationships to irresponsibility and insensitivity? When do we pull over and wake up to the more essential factors affecting our lives day by day?
The more important details in life like the smell of fresh air, the sip of clean water, the blazing heat of fire, the toil of the earth and the love in our hearts. Five elements that make us come full circle.
We wake up to a day filled with negative vibes and we come to a conclusion that, that is all there is. We never stop to realize that these trials are what actually shape us. We disregard the pivotal role they play to make us whole.
There has to come a time in our lives when we will have to face up to our fears and maneuver the other way around. Only then will we be able to see the other side of the coin. In the game of life, there is no turning back…just moving on and turning to a corner to avoid the dead end.
I realized all of that now and I am glad.
© Theren Alexander 2005
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