ENDYMION

"you know what? in four years, once i am steady and you don't have a boyfriend or what, and i am single, i am going to ask you to marry me..." 03.28.2008 

Your exact words over six years ago, they still bring me to tears up to this day.

"I keep telling myself that life is too short to cry over you; that life is too short to hold on to you...but life is too long to be without you..."

One day I will be okay. So, I take it easy one day at a time. 

I only have good thoughts about you. You are that love I wanted to have that I could never have. When I look at you, I can only look at you. Letting you go made me reminisce that day I was saying goodbye to my parents after my one-and-a-half week vacation with them at home. My mom hugged me so tight, she made me feel that she did not want to let me go but she had to. Because letting me go would be the rightest thing to do, so that I can carry on with my responsibilities for them and our lives can go on.

LETTING YOU GO IS RIGHT!

I will always be thankful to you no matter what. I have such big admiration for you, so big it won't fit these pages. I love our friendship. You'd convince me not to pick fights. You are that person who always wanted me to become better and to always see the good. I am a good girl now because you helped me to see that in me. Thank you for the love you have given me in this lifetime. I will always cherish you.

Leah, during one of our conversations, said that she found it weird that I did not blog about my letting go, when typically I am the type who'd write when I am emotional. At first, I thought that probably the pain was too great, that it crippled my interest to pen my thoughts. But, today, I realized the exact reason why I chose my serenity over my literature.

You are the man I always write about, so in our conclusion, I thought I will never write again. You are my strength and my calm.

I chose to be silent in all this time, in order to protect my affections. I reckon if I did not react to the breakup, I will not breakdown. That I would be able to keep calm. I took time to understand why I couldn't have you and reached that point when I wished the day would come when you are no longer the person who is in my heart and mind. That day hasn't come yet, but one day it will.

By then, I will know I have loved again...

[01.14.14]
"Being deeply loved by someone gives you STRENGTH, while loving someone deeply gives you COURAGE..." -LAO TZU-

I will use that STRENGTH and COURAGE to let you go. I will love again when I am ready and when it's right...

© Theren Alexander 2014